An open ended letter to my father.

You, you right there, you should be ashamed of yourself. 

How dare you put a ten minute time limit on a discussion with your daughter, how dare you blame your ancient marital problems on your current nonexistent relationship with your children. 

You, you are the reason your children hurt. You and you alone. And to bring your marital issues up with your daughter is despicable. 

How dare you for one second blame anyone but yourself for your actions. Those are yours to be held accountable for.

How dare you blame the mother of your children for your laziness, she picked up the slack you didn't care to take. Soon you'll start blaming the man who stepped up when you continually stepped out. 

How in heavens name can you have a baby, hold that baby as a sweet newborn, then walk away and not look back? How dare you refuse them the right of your support. No, I am not talking financial support, I'm talking emotional support.

So the next time you give me ten minutes. Here's what I have to say;

If you'll give me ten minutes you had better sit back and listen because I intend to talk for the entire ten minutes. You should be ashamed of the "man" you have become. Your mother would be ashamed of you. You denied your children the experience of you, and for that you will have to deal with your guilt. Do you even know your oldest daughter favourite colour? Do you have any idea what your youngest daughter does for work? I could not care less what cause my mother and you to split up, and to bring it up is childish. Keep your personal issues out of our relationship. You ignore your daughters, you let them down constantly. This is on you and you only. You say you don't refuse to see us, then explain the unanswered invitations, the texts you say yes to then bail but don't even bother calling. Again, this is on you. I get it drinking, women, and gambling is fun, way more fun than having a family. I feel sorry for you, you have no family. This, is on you. No one made you do any of this stuff. And you deserve the karma coming to you. You need to learn to be responsible for your actions, dig deep, I'm sure your mother instilled this principle on you at some point. 

Stop acting like a child. How can you not see your children are suffering, no not because of you. We have learned to expect less of you. Because we have issues in our lives, and we are leaning on each other to help get through them. You've denied us the safety of a fathers arms.

Thank God someone else stepped up, that has the compassion you lack. You are not a father, you are a child. One day you'll realize your mistake, and I hope for your sake that it's not too late.

Take a lesson from the man who stands with your daughters, take a lesson from the women you made a mother. She is there for her children, and he is there for your children. 

Continue on with your drinking, women, and gambling.... It will be the only thing you have left.

If one day you read this, I won't be ashamed to say I wrote it. I won't be feel guilt when you read my feelings. Because I deserve to be heard.

XX,

The Guilty Mom