In the literal aspect, my daughter is the only of our three kids that has had growing pains. I have not a clue how I escaped this plague with the other two. Here's where I appeal to moms, what do you do, what do you use to help. Nothing I do seems to work, socks at bed time, a banana before bed, and she keeps waking up screaming getting me to rub her legs and feet. Poor kiddo.
Figuratively....
So I thought that as my children got older it would get easier. I thought we would get into a routine and that it would just be easy. WRONG.
Boy was I ever wrong. I wanted it to work that way, really I did. But then one started school and he was old enough to be in activities and sports. And I want him to learn skills, ones I didn't learn or wanted to or even maybe didn't have an interest in. Oh but wait, why can't the three year old go to taekwondo? Insert tantrum. Oh but wait, why is mommy leaving me while she goes to piano?? Insert mommy guilt. Oh how the mommy guilt is high these days.
But really, I assumed it would be so so much easier than it is. Quick finish making supper, quick swallow it kids. Please, shove all these sight words into your brain in the next fifteen minutes so that the teacher doesn't think I'm a sucky mom. Let's go to piano, the babysitter is here, dad is still at work. Get home. Mama has an internal debate.... Bedtime or one more round of sight words. Ok bedtime, but wait you need a bath. And I need to clean the floors. Oh can't the floors wait? I'm tired and I haven't had a real meal all day. Because I was cleaning the kitchen while you ate, then I chased you around the house attempting to clean up the food you decided to find in the pantry and leave all over my house.
But it doesn't get easier??? This too shall not pass?!? To be fair, that has become my least favourite saying. This too shall pass??? How is one person allowed to say that to another person? Where do you justify sticking your nose in and giving false hope? What makes you think you know what the other person is feeling or exactly what they are going through? Maybe we didn't communicate properly.....
To clear things up;
I'm running on fumes. I am raising three children while working from home to provide for our family. My husband is out working hard, which means he can't always be home. I'm dealing with family deaths every six months or so, losing all the heros I look up to. I'm not sleeping well, dealing with personal issues I may or may not want to discuss with you, chances are it's the latter.
So please, refrain from trying to tell me it will get better, it's not helpful. Please, don't judge what you see and what you hear because there are so many more factors to that equation. Don't pretend to know what anyone else is going through. You don't know how they feel, when they feel it. You don't know how their day has been, or the thoughts in their head.
Don't judge, you know not the storm that I've been asked to walk through. Just as I know not the storm you are walking through.
To the other moms just staying above water, I'm here for you. I may not always be available, and I'm definitely not in an emotional place where I can give you anymore of my shoulder, but I'm hear. You can talk to me, you can ask me for advice, and I'll never pretend like I know what your going through. And I definitely won't tell you it'll end. Because when no end is in sight, you'll need someone to blame. And I want to be there for you. So if you need to message me and tell me your troubles at 3am, I promise I'll read them, when I can. I promise I'll respond. I promise I'll have a few tips, or know someone who might. And I'll never judge you.
XX,
The Guilty Mom
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